Wednesday, April 28, 2004

I'm awake. I'm up out of bed. And I think this may be the earliest time in which I've achieved both these things for the whole of this week. I maintain it was Saturday's night out that fucked up my biological sleeping clock. But then going out was my choice, even if I made it when slightly 'inebriated' [to use a finer term], and my psychological state was exploited when I was asked by the person who asked. It was alright though, I guess. Anyway, that's not the point. It's now Wednesday, and Saturday night is old news - although I'm not quite sure why I slapped somebody that night and made myself fall onto the floor, because the latter of those two mysteries was really big and clever considering it's left a little friction mark on my trousers. Perhaps it'll come out in the wash. Mmm... unsmoked back bacon and hot cross buns.

So, what is it today? Wednesday? Yesterday was Tuesday then. I had big plans to go to all of my lessons yesterday, or at least two out of three. Again, I ended up going to none of them. I missed my class on Monday too. I need to become a little more organised ready for next term. Fortunately, there's no more classes left for the rest of this term. Except for my 18th Century Period Study classes, that seem to run right to the end of the semester. Perhaps when I have only two classes a week, I'll find them a little more easy to attend. Perhaps not. My first assignment is due on May 11th. I haven't really considered it yet. No thoughts. No plan. No research. No anything. Well, that's not true, about a fortnight ago, I took a load of books out of the library for background reading. But I haven't done it yet, so that proved to be a rather redundant action. I'm still trying to make my way through Tristram Shandy anyway. Mmm... iced tea and gammon steak.

Aside from that, I did actually do some stuff yesterday. I read some Pope, and I did read a chapter of Tristram.... I also went shopping in ASDA. Managed to spend about £35, but am now happy with the magnificient array of goodies lining my parlour, or at least parts of the parlour that I could fit it into that weren't taking up with everybody else's stuff. Mmm... scotch eggs and pop tarts.

But now it's a new day. I haven't really done anything yet. Got up out of bed about 9.30. Put on t-shirt - already had boxers on because I slept in them. Walked to kitchen. Put kettle on. Had a bowl of sugar puffs. Made coffee. Came to laptop. Et voila... here I am. Finding to find that motivation needed to get me in the shower, dressed, vaguely groomed and ready to catch the 11am bus. I'm thinking that's necessary if I'm going to print off my notes before my seminar, which, conveniently, has been moved so that it's directly after my Narrative lecture. Oh my days! The pressure on my weary, juvenile brain! Mmm... coffee.

[food products mentioned in this blog were not necessarily eaten at the time the blog was written [or rather typed] - besides, mother says that's puppy fat, and it will go when I grow up]

Monday, April 26, 2004

silence is golden, and, regretfully, actions always have effects...

Sometimes I feel as if I really should just keep my mouth shut. Or perhaps just have the ability to speak taking me from me. Not in a fascist 'shut up or we will kill you' kind of way, more a psychological state of muteness, or disappearance of the tongue kind of the way. I find that nine times out of ten, if I've got myself into trouble - whatever sort of trouble - then it's because of my mouth, or something that it's done. This would be kept to an absolute minimum if I actually engaged my brain before speaking out... but after a lengthy attempt at doing this, I'm thinking absolute silence is probably my best bet. A kind of 'silence is golden' methodology. Of course, silence in itself can be pretty rude. Perhaps from now on, I shall only speak when spoken to. Of course, this in itself will become pretty offensive to some, since I will begin to begrudge those around me for imposing this restriction on me. One could say that it was, in fact, a self-imposed restriction, but then I am considering the imposition of it for the possible good of my society. Maybe I should just brush that chip off my shoulder, and stop being so pessimistic. But how...?

Nevermind that. I had over 12 hours sleep last night. I'm not sure if that was my body's way of recuperating for nights of lost sleep, but I am sure that it was my body's way of getting in the way of my brain doing some serious studying today. I've managed to put in 25 minutes of reading Mikhail Bakhtin's 'Epic and Novel'. I've also made notes, but all this is pretty sub-standard, and I know that I can do better, I just seem to be in a mood that is stopping me from progressing. Perhaps I should blame music - I seem to just want to flake out and listen to my music - or perhaps my games - my brain seems to want to engage in a bit of GTA: Vice City or SSX 3 more than it does my work. I don't know. Perhaps I should just stop procastinating on the cause of this melancholy - is it? or is it just laziness? - and put it to the back of my mind for future resolution, and get on with the work instead. That's obviously the more sensible option, but since when have I had enough sense to be sensible? Is this what being a student has reduced me to? A man whose life revolves around the struggle between being studious, outgoing and sociable, and downright lazy? I'm not saying it's a bad thing. Just slightly infuriating, and difficult to be in control of. Besides, why should a man put so much effort into being mostly studious, and sometimes outgoing and sociable, when being downright lazy and a bit of a slacker requires absolutely no effort at all? Perhaps I'm just scared of commitment, and responsibility. It just seems that the more things that a person takes on their shoulders equates to the higher they're climbing, and ultimately, the farther they'll fall. Perhaps I'm scared of commitment and responsibility, and, ultimately, failure. When can one judge that they have failed? Or that they are failing? Or that they will, at some point, begin to fail? I think that somehow, we're always failing. And if this is the case, and failure is unavoidable, is the prolonging of success, and the ignorance of failure worth it? Probably. Oh to be naively optimistic about life.

Sunday, April 25, 2004


Fell asleep watching Psycho. Bastard human condition. Probably didn't help that I got through a bottle of white wine - it's a while back now, I can't remember specifically what type... though I do remember it was an Oxford Landing, and fairly cheap.

Went to my lecture on Friday. Bringing my grand total of actual contact time to a rather gobsmacking... 5 out of 7 hours. Not bad.

Can't remember exactly what I did Friday night. I have a feeling I watched Neighbours, Hollyoaks, EastEnders, and did something else as well. But again, I can't remember what. Perhaps I was watching The Hitcher - that would make sense.

SSX 3 was delivered to me in record time yesterday. I'm absolutely certain that I only ordered it off Amazon Marketplace on Friday (or possibly late Thursday night) - I can't be bothered to double check. Quickest delivery ever. However, maybe that's not a good thing. I've become somewhat addicted to it, and I fear that it could become quite the vice during my essay-writing over the next few weeks. I will have to lock it away somewhere until the assignments are completed.

I finally ate my mackerel. After deciding to be a bit more adventurous, and consulting my Jamie's Kitchen cookbook by Jamie Oliver, I had to put it in white wine vinegar for 7 hours, and then in tequila, pomegranate juice, lime juice, ginger and sesame oil for another half hour. I didn't have any fennel to eat with it, and since it looked a bit bare, I thought I should have some pasta with it. But that isn't important. What is important is that I somewhat ruined the mackerel under the guidance of my flatmate Laurence. Without a shotglass to hand, I had to roughly guess the amount of tequila needed. The finished product tasted so strongly of it, that it was really fucking hard to swallow - all the same, it was alright I guess. I'm not ill. So it can't be bad.

I went out last night. Which was bad of me. All week, I have been saying to myself that Sunday will be the day that I sit down and do some serious work on my assignments. It didn't happen. To be fair, I've only been up around four hours. But I don't see myself being motivated enough to get on with anything today. So far, I've managed to have some cereal and a sandwich, and play on SSX 3 but that's about it. Now I'm watching The Italian Job though - but then that still isn't in anyway course-related. Unless you count the fact that it's got the word 'Italian' in the title, and that The Merchant of Venice is set in Italy, and that this relation between the 1960's film, and Shakespeare's play, is somewhat relevant - then I guess I'm just continuing in my usual slacking routine.

On with the dossing...

Thursday, April 22, 2004

WOW! I prepared for all three possible topics of discussion for this week's seminar. And therefore, I attended the class. It was the first of the three possible topics, and so, the second two might as well not have been prepared. Which was a bastard. On the upside, I did go to the lesson. On the downside, my preparation was useless. I kinda forgot to pay attention to the form, you see. And since the discussion was based around the form of the poems and not the content, I kinda fucked up a bit. Oh well, I did read them. Well, I read Blake's Song, but Gray's poem was too long. I did read the first 8 stanzas or so though.

Besides from that, I did manage to finish watching the complete Fawlty Towers DVD boxset. I've never really watched Fawlty Towers before, but I've got to say, I was might impressed. And that's all I've got to say about that.

My book and two CDs arrived today though. The book being David Peace's GB84 and the CDs being The Last Emperor's Palace of the Pretender and Guns 'n' Roses' Greatest Hits. I've listened to the Last Emperor album, but haven't got round to the rest of it yet. Maybe tomorrow. Haven't exactly got enough time tonight.

Psycho's on later! WOOHOO! I haven't seen it in ages. Probably not since it was on at Cineworld back at home. I CAN'T WAIT! WOOHOO!

Now I'll get back to eating chocolate hobnobs and feeling bored.

god's greatest gift to mankind

Out of five hours of class scheduled for me so far this week, I have attended three of them. That's over 50%! That's good, right? Anyway, I'm in a state of contemplation over how, exactly, I am to re-enter a seminar group that I haven't attended for three sessions now without making a scene. I could just walk in quietly and hope that the nice Irish man doesn't pick on me for my tardiness [read: full-blown absences], or know that the absolutely, 100% in-his-own-rights-to-do-so Irish man will demand to know where the hell I've been for the past three sessions. Of course, that wouldn't be entirely fair, because word has it that he didn't bother turning up to one of those seminars himself. But whatever, the course of events that occur after my walking in to that room, I have absolutely no idea what to prepare for the said seminar. Will today's seminar be a discussion of 'Thomas Gray's Elegy written in a Country Churchyard (1751) and William Blake's Song (1783) as respective examples of neo-classical and romantic pastoral'? Or a consideration of 'Pope's use of the mock-heroic mode in The Dunciad'? Or something else entirely. I think what this whole mess underlines is that I'm not a very organised person. To be fair, I do try. Like yesterday, I actually made it to a lecture. My notes were... okay. I haven't looked at them since I made them, but I'm sure they're still there... being all notey and surrounded by really shit doodles. And then I went clothes shopping. And I'm absolutely certain that I made some really stylish choices to wrap around my great hunk of lard body. A pair of cotton pinstripe trouser thingies, and two white cotton shirts - one was plain, but not plain, and the other had like a stripey print thing across the chest. And I got a belt. Then I did food shopping, and I bought lots of healthy things, and I ate some of them last night, and the rest are either stored [neatly] in the refrigerator, or [neatly] on the top of the refrigerator, or [neatly] in the cupboard - except I can't really remember what is where, and where is what - although I'm pretty certain that the mackerel's I filleted are in the freezer. Other than all of that, I did manage to watch the first series of Fawlty Towers last night, although I did fall asleep somewhere during the second - it was getting late, and my stamina is better as great as my... organisational skills! Even so, I do feel somewhat culturally advanced, and can now proudly say that 'I HAVE SEEN THE FIRST SERIES OF FAWLTY TOWERS AND PLAN TO WATCH THE SECOND IN THE VERY NEAR FUTURE, AHEM!'

Anyway, after that pretty much unedited - because I really can't be arsed - I'll rifle through my big box of books to find those that I think I'll need today, and try and prepare myself for what I think might be the topic of discussion for today. Although I really can't be arsed to do that either...

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Sometimes I amaze myself. I really do.

Well, the Easter break is over, and I'm back in the halls, but, somehow, I feel as if the holidays continue. Not that I'm doing any work at all - after all, I did finally get round to finishing reading Joseph Andrews over the break, and I've re-read King Lear since I've been back. I've attended one 2-hour workshop [yet missed one 1-hour seminar and one 1-hour lecture], and I've also... well, actually that's about it.

My room is a mess. The kitchen is a mess. I am a mess. When I got back in halls on Sunday, it didn't seem to be the right time to tidy my room, my kitchen, or myself. And on Monday, I was too busy paying my rent, window-shopping, laying about, and partying to get anything done. Today I was too busy sleeping, studying, and laying about [again] to get any of it done today. Tomorrow perhaps. But I plan on going food shopping, and perhaps even buying a new outfit for my next social outing. It might just have to wait until Thursday, maybe Friday or Saturday. Or Sunday...