Wednesday, November 12, 2003


As two of my flatmates smoke weed in the room next to mine, I'm beginning to wonder if experimentation is all that it's cracked up to be. My very first couple of drinking sessions resulted in some violent vomiting actions, and the day after was no better. Now, I drink alcohol regularly [no to the extent that I'd call myself an alcoholic - it's not a reliance, more an indulgence] and to what end? In the grand scheme of things is it profitable to the advancement of my inner self? No. Neither's smoking, but I do that as well.

Still, in the knowledge that they are experimenting with drugs in the adjacent room, I can't help but want to be experimenting too. I guess there's something characteristically inherent in human beings to want to fall into a state of perpetual self-destruction, and how to avoid it? When temptation waits, how can we avoid it? I haven't so far, and I'm sure that when the next experience comes along, I won't pass it by.

Of course, it's a novelty at the end of the day. My last all-out stupid instance of behaviour was about five weeks ago when I drank three bottles of wine in one evening. I'm not sure how I paced myself that night, because I can't actually remember much about that night, except that I started drinking when Hollyoaks came on, and was in bed at 3. How long I'd been in bed for I'm not sure, but then the pacing isn't what's important [apologies for the tangent]. The morning after, a little dazed and confused, I woke up to find pictures and videos on my laptop clearly displaying what it was that I couldn't remember, much to the amusement of my flatmates. My jeans were covered in mud, whilst they remained 'clean'. My experimentation was their entertainment.

I'm not criticising them, because I found myself in the same position this evening. When one of the two came into the kitchen extolling the 'sweetness' of their chocolate digestives, I couldn't help but smirk. Is this the same as that impulse to laugh at mentally retarded people when they make fools of themselves? They have just about control over what they're doing as somebody who's under the influence of drugs. Of course, one could argue that the drug-user has brought it upon themselves, and so deserves a certain amount of ridicule, but then what for those that enter into experimentation in a state of naivety?

I guess it's like everything though. Experimentation provides us with a form of learning something new, and taking away that innocence, which in many ways, should be our most valuable possession. Our biggest vice is searching for that knowledge that is just beyond our reach in the hope of some sort of progression. It's just ironic that progression seems to equal depression.


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