Friday, May 30, 2003

Money doesn't grow on trees, y'know? It grows on celebrity databases ran by a overt branch of the BBC
Ahh... I almost forgot! CELEBDAQ!!! Well, my initial worth of £10,000 has now increased six-fold, so I'm really happy. I'm almost a 0.1millionaire! Yay! Have now sold my shares in Keanu Reeves though, fearing that he won't be on the up forever, and there may be a bit of down between now and Revolutions. In the near future, however, like tomorrow, I think, I shall be looking for shares in that ol' prune (and former cheeky monkey/devil) Jack Nicholson: Anger Management is released in the UK on June 6 after all. And whilst he is probably out of the interests of most readers, he is bound to get some sort of publicity in the lead up to the movie's release. Besides, if I just post something on the message board saying he's the next best thing, the majority of the sheep that play the game, will probably agree and buy shit loads anyway - thus raising the cost of shares that way.

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

Burn Baby, Burn!
Ah. I don't think there's anything quite like a bit of retail therapy, and while HMV didn't have one of the videos that I went down for - They Were Expendable - I did get to buy VHS copies of both The Quiet Man and The Searchers. I guess you can thank Sight and Sound for that. John Ford Western season, here we come! These babies might even come in handy in the 'Studies in genre and authorship' section on my Unit 6 Film Studies paper, but let's not talk about that. I've yet to watch either purchases, but thought I should report something to you all, no matter how menial.

I also reverted back to something of a naughty old habit. Yes, I bought an issue of (cue: dramatic chord) Heat. I know, I know. But I was getting tired of the faux intellectualism I was trying to emulate by buying, and sometimes reading the Radio Times. I want some mush to read. And here it is, complete with a very funny picture of Michael 'proud dad' Douglas.

Sorry to leave you so soon. But I must go - I've got Watchmen to read!

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

Some Like It Hot apparently - I wouldn't know, because Cineworld are a load of cockish cuntonians
In case you haven't figured it out then. I didn't get to see Some Like It Hot this evening. Why, one might ask. Well, let me tell you. It was, according to Cineworld, due to circumtances outside their control. Yeah, fucking right. Very fucking out of your control. So out of your control that you couldn't send even a sample email to those on the I.O.W. mailing list to tell them this. So out of your control that people did not find out until the day itself. For me, it wasn't such a problem. I don't have far to walk, and while I would have liked to see the movie on the big screen, I hadn't made the effort that some had made, unneccessarily I might add. So, unfortunately (and I mean unfortunately), we had to resort to The Actors. Let me tell you now, it was funny in your old 'top o'the world t'ya, ya fookin' eejit' sense, but less so in the funny sense. In the end the film is saved basically by the Irish accent which provides the only humour, and though Caine, as always, puts in a good show, it's the film that lacks, and unfortunately, he's brought down with it, it's not brought up by him.

[Note: I was trying to think of one good film that Caine has starred in, that I have seen anyhow, that was not Zulu or The Cider House Rules. Joey, you can kiss my ass - The Muppet Christmas Carol! Go on! Pucker up!]

Anyways, I'm off to bed now. I must read more, more, more of Watchmen, and when I've done that, I must exert my highly significant influence upon the film industry and urge them to fund Gilliam's much-debated adaptation. Yeah, I wish. Night all!

Monday, May 26, 2003

Life is like a pack of Revels - alright, except for the orange ones...
Seems like there might be some technical difficulties. Computers really aren't that different to human beings, and still are subject to the influence of others. Whilst I am bored and lonely, fretting over the onset of upcoming examinations, waiting for tonight to come, and basically just dossing, attempting to read a copy of Watchmen that a friend has lent me, the internet seems to be experiencing some difficulties in presenting this blog in its crisp and beautiful wonder. I know, I know, quit with the modesty I hear you cry. It's so much better than that, I know. I just don't want to rub all your noses in it. [Please, somebody, sponsor me! I want to get REAL PAID! - not from some crummy part-time job in a fish and chip shop. REAL PAID!]

Anyhow, my little visit to the shops was a little inconsequential. Whilst they did have copies of Rush Hour in stock, in both WHSmith AND HMV[!!! - Now there's a first], they were both in the DVD format and, in my eyes, slightly overpriced. I'm not paying £20 for it after all! And the John Ford biography, well, that just wasn't there. So, as I said, the trip was inconsequential, and not really much point. All I ended up buying was a bottle of Coca Cola Vanilla, which I didn't quite see the point of - the purchase, as well as its manufacture - and an M&M brownie, which I do see the point of - both the purchase and the manafacture [they're so yummy! - haven't eaten it yet though]. So, a good day's work then. I'll just get back to reading Watchmen.

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

"Kiss my yellow, hairy ass!" [spoilers ahoy! - re: Phone Booth]
Tada! Film exams over! Kaplooey! Well, except for the other two in a month's time, but they're in a months time. I don't need to worry about them for another 27 days at least. Only kidding. So, where was I before my laptop busted and all those nasty exams? Ah... Phone Booth! Well, where should I start?

Okay, first of all, I'd like to point out that Alan Morrison isn't perhaps quite so stupid in what he said from one point of view. Knowing who the actor is that voices the sniper is a little spoilerific, possibly ruining the twist in the film's ending. However, I still think that knowing the actor's identity isn't that much of a spoiler. Because, knowing that it was Kiefer before I even went in to the movie, at the end of the movie, when they find the pizza guy, I was trying to imagine Keifer unto the guy. And I almost did. I thought the pizza guy did look slightly like a chubby Kiefer. But then the twist, and oh! So, I guess... basically, from my perspective... knowing the actor isn't really a spoiler. Because when I saw that it wasn't Sutherland, or at least a guy that looked like Sutherland on first appearances, I began to rationalise. So, that's that!

I am glad, however, that Kiefer was the guy chosen to be the sniper. After talk of Jim Carrey and Will Smith, the fact that it fell to Jack fucking Bauer, CTU agent extraordinaire - he also has a voice that sounds strikingly similar to the ones used in the phone calls in Scream - well, it's great! I'm thinking that had it been Jim Carrey or Will Smith, well, for a start, it would have been a completely different movie, and to me, it doesn't seem as if they'd have fit well anyhow.

And with art imitating life, in a different perspective than the whole Washington Sniper event, Farrell has the perfect part playing someone who, funnily enough, doesn't seem too dissimilar from the image the British press have presented of him in recent times, having been connected with a string of women, one including the famously virginal - yeah, fucking right - Britney Spears.

Oh, and it's much better than Batman & Robin.

Monday, May 19, 2003

Hey Keanu, ring me on my mobile! I'm staying well clear of my public telephone booth from now on
Well I'm back from Phone Booth as you've probably guessed, but whilst that succeded in being a rather good reward for my psych exam today, to come home and find your laptop doesn't like you anymore and won't let you get into it, isn't quite so rewarding. Fucking thing.

I would go into how much I liked the movie and why, but now I'm just pissed off. Is this some fucking egotistical shit of a sniper's idea of teaching me a lesson? Does God just want to show me that loving my laptop is wrong? Well, love is such a strong word, when really it's just a strong liking, but fuck fuck! Why me? Why do computers always break down on fucking me? So, I'll have to take the thing back in tomorrow, and look like a retard as I bring it back in again for the second time. I've had it for what... five fucking minutes. God!

I promise that once I've cooled down a little, I'll resume movie-talk, but this is all so bloody wrong!

Analyze THIS, fucker!
Right. Now that's one psychology exam out of the way. "Whoop-de-doo!" all of you say - I say all, but it's quite obvious that I'm talking to only one or two people here, including myself - well, I agree, the less said about that the better. I guess I'm just stopping off to say I am going to see Phone Booth this evening. I wasn't going to, but decided it would probably do to give myself an hour's break. If I fail my exams, so what! I can always work in Brother's for the rest of my life! Anyhow, if I don't get back with a blog of some sort re:Phone Booth tonight, then I'll try to get one on it's way to you by tomorrow evening (post-10.30pm). This should be an exciting week! Bye.

Friday, May 16, 2003

Hello darkness, my old friend
It may have something to do with the fact that I've only just re-watched The Graduate recently for my film coursework, but I can't help feeling decidedly Benjamin Braddock, on this, my last day in sixth form education. Like Ben, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing with my life. Unlike Ben, I have no dalliances with older women and their daughters to pass the time. And I've still got university to go. When I'm a graduate, who's to say that I don't end up like Ben. Pumped with qualifications but with no direction. I need direction. I need an idol, a role model. And one, I shall find. So, that's what I'm gonna do. "I will carry on, keep on, singing my song".

Keanu, ring me on my public telephone booth, yah?
Firstly, top marks to the BBC for getting 'celebdaq' back up and running. I only heard of the thing a couple of days ago on Chris Moyles' show on Radio 1, but was sorely disappointed that after only one day of playing, the site had to be closed down for maintenance. There's one thing going cold turkey, but going cold turkey just one day after the beginning of your addiction is a little, well, harsh. Anyways, it is now back, so I should stop my moaning. Or should I?

Well, before the site was closed, I quite clearly remember buying shares in Mr. Reeves, and his soundtrack compadre, Monsieur Marilyn Manson. While I couldn't particularly give a toss in Manson, the fact that Mr. Reeves' shares went up over the last 24 hours, according to Celebdaq combined with the fact that I lost my shares in Keanu post-maintenance, means that I never earnt the profit. Argh!

Secondly, and some might think I'm a bit late in saying this - nearly two months late, in fact - but how much more stupid can Empire magazine's Alan Morrison be? Reading the May 2003 issue of THE movie magazine, I came across the review for the as-of-yet-unseen (for me anyway) Phone Booth, in which the guy tries to tell me that "The role of the sniper was re-cast and re-shot (to give away the identity of the actor is a bit of a spoiler)." So, it's not Kiefer Sutherland, then? I haven't even seen the film and I know who the fucking actor is! It's not like it's difficult! You see the trailer, and you're like, 'Oh! That voice sounds familiar. Could it be Kiefer Sutherland riding on the back of the ridiculous 24?' I mean, please.

But I guess it's not only that! In spite of Farrell's fitting quite perfectly into the definition of 'prolific' in recent times, he certainly hasn't built up the kind of fanbase as Mr. Sutherland has. I haven't seen any appreciation of Farrell's work reach fever pitch a la 24! As this is the case, it seems a little naive to think that the identity of the actor playing the sniper could be kept a secret. After all, the producers are hardly not going to use Kiefer as a selling point. So, tune fucking in Morrison matey-poo. Don't be a plonker.

Then again, I haven't seen the film, and I could be taking everything that the man says out of context. I guess I'll have to wait and see. I'll get back to you next Monday.

Thursday, May 15, 2003

Editorial
Hey kids! Once again, I've changed the URL of the blog. Well, to be more precise, I've created a new blog all together. Any which way, here we are again. If you're reading this, thanks for putting up with the constant neglect-upheaval pattern, I am trying to improve my blogging skills.

I'll get to the point. Welcome to the new blog. More of the same, just in a different package.